See My Thoughts
by Madam.Degrassi's Fortnight
Summary: A blogger has secrets much like Eli Goldsworthy, but when she comes to Degrassi for a fresh start, her secrets just might put her, and Eli, in danger.  Will their experiences help them pull through?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Alright ladies, I'm backing away from the oneshots for a while and trying a chapter story. Again, I own nothing. Enjoy! :D**

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_Parents can really screw up your life. They fight, they yell so often that it's like routine clockwork, they rag on you whenever they actually take notice, and then they scream some more. I wonder where our family has gone. We used to be so happy with our lives, and even though they're the ones that are screwing it up for the rest of us, I can't help but feel responsible for everything. If I hadn't been in the accident, none of this would have happened…._

_I guess the worst thing about parents screwing up your life is that you screwed up theirs first._

Eli Goldsworthy sat back in his chair and rubbed his chin for a moment, staring at the screen in front of him. This girl was just as messed as he was, and that was pretty scary. Ever since Julia had died, he had started reading other angst posts, hoping to find someone, somewhere, that was having just as hard of a time as he was. Maybe then he could find someone to understand him. His parents, as wonderful as they were, didn't really understand the guilt that he carried around with him every day, and the therapist was an egotistical jackass. At least, Eli thought so.

But in reading those blogs, he had found one that actually topped them all. SoundGrl17 was an amazing writer, one that had captured Eli's attention from her very first post. He began reading every post she blogged, and waiting anxiously for another when she didn't. She was short and to the point each time, but her posts conveyed everything that she couldn't seem to say out loud. He empathized with the guilt she carried, but he was never really sure what her trial in life was, since she was too private to actually tell anyone on the internet. This fact alone earned Eli's respect, since SoundGrl17 was obviously not here to post a sob story worthy of thousands of responses. She was online to truly vent to the screen in front of her, since she had no one else.

He liked that.

As always, whenever he had the extra time, he pressed the small _Leave a Comment_ button and began to type:

_The wrong set of parents are definitely overrated. Don't you wish for once that you could actually pick your relatives? :P Hope your life gets easier soon. I understand some of what your dealing with. Press on, SoundGrl17, press on._

Eli pressed the _Send_ button and waited until he was sure that his comment had reached her inbox. He was the only person that ever commented on her posts, and she had responded back with thanks and had even wished him well with whatever baggage he was carrying around in his life. He guessed that that made them tentative friends, even though they had never exchanged their real names. Friends with empathizing benefits? It made them…something, but he wasn't sure what to categorize such a girl that he had never met before.

With a sigh, Eli turned off his computer and turned back to his bed, mentally groaning. His bed was under all those clothes and school supplies somewhere. At least, it had been there this morning when his mom had walked in and plunked down all her new purchases. During the last week of classes at Degrassi, some idiot had pulled a knife on another guy, and the rest of the student population was paying for it this new year. Uniforms were replacing individualization, and the school now sent out a list with the kinds of supplies they wanted. There went any possibility of Dead Hand folders. Idiots sucked.

Wearily, Eli began packing his backpack. A package of Number 02 pencils, two plain notebooks, exclusively for taking notes, a protractor for math, and several other small requirements that Eli knew he would never use. As Eli reached for the first of five pairs of khaki pants, his cell phone buzzed. He reached for it, trying not to look directly at the picture of Julia that was still perched on his bedside table, and smiled when he realized that it was Adam. "Hey Adam," he said when he flipped his phone open.

"Hey dude," Adam responded. "Drew and Alli are off sucking each other's faces off somewhere, so do you want to come over early for guy's night?"

Eli smirked. "Sure. I'll be over in a few. I just have to finish packing for tomorrow."

At the other end of the call, Adam groaned sympathetically. "Mom made me do that yesterday," he said. "I can't believe we have to do all of this crap because of two geniuses."

"I know," Eli said, nodding even though Adam couldn't see him, as he reached for the shirt he had just decided to wear for tomorrow. "But these new rules just might keep the neanderthals from fighting until they're in the parking lot."

Adam snorted. "Yeah, and the new metal detectors should keep all knives out."

Eli rolled his eyes. "Mmhmm. And belts, keys, and kids with braces. These new rules are so ignorantly constructed, there's no way they'll last through the first week."

"I hope you're right," Adam told him. "This is screwed up. Hey, by the way, what foreign language class are you taking this year?"

"I'm trying sign language," Eli responded. "Easier than Spanish, or German."

Adam laughed. "Well good luck. See you in a few."

Eli hung up, glancing over at his computer, remembering the blog that had just been there, and the girl who had used those exact words. "I hope so too," he said to himself.

So why did he not feel confident about it?

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**A/N: I know it's kind of slow, but I'm trying to set the scene right now. Please review! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys, thanks so much for all the awesome reviews! I appreciate them so much! Sorry I had to change the name, but FF wouldn't let the symbols through. :P Last "set up" chapter, I promise!**

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The lights in the bedroom on the second floor of the suburban house were programmed to come on automatically at the stroke of 6:15 am, and that Monday morning was no different. The bundle under the blankets shifted, disturbed by the light that was now encroaching on her slumber, forcing its way through the delicate skin of her eyelids. She made a sound halfway between a sigh and a gurgle, and rolled over to push the blankets off her small frame. Her eyes scanned the room before she stood and moved to grab the clothes that had been slung over her chair the night before. Thankfully, her uniform had arrived before school actually began, so she wouldn't stand out as much.

The less attention she could draw to herself at this new school, the better.

Her arm stretched out to turn on her stereo, but then she remembered what had happened the last time, and removed her hand. She would dress in silence today. Ha! That was ironic. She pulled her uniform on as quickly as she could, tugging her Oxfords on while she bounced towards the bathroom. A door opened just as she passed by and she nearly ran into her older sister, who scowled and brushed past her. "Watch where you're going," her sister growled. She just shrugged and ignored her.

She got to the bathroom first, and bolted the door so that she would have some space to herself. She resolved to take longer than necessary, just to annoy her sister. Bridget was spoiled anyway. Her hair took no time at all. It never did. She just pulled it up into its generic ponytail and grabbed the book that she always hid behind the toilet and sat down on the bathtub's edge to read for a few minutes, keeping a careful eye on the time. It would never do to be late for the first day of school, even if it was for a noble cause like teaching her sister to leave her alone.

Bridget, meanwhile, had resolved to trudging downstairs and squeezing into the downstairs bathroom with her younger brother, but not before complaining to her mom. "Mom, Clare's taking up the bathroom again," she whined, sounding seven instead of seventeen. "She won't get out. Do something!"

Mrs. Edwards, however, did not take kindly to this statement and command. "There's nothing I can do, Bridget, and you know it." She turned towards her husband, who was trying to scarf down some breakfast before he rushed off to work again. "You see what she's doing to this family? Why didn't you send her away?"

Her husband put down his piece of toast and glared at his wife. "Helen, she's our daughter. You can't just send her away when she gets too difficult!"

"Oh, so now this is my fault?"

"I didn't say that! I simply said-"

Even Bridget knew when to give up.

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Twenty minutes later, Mr. Edwards had stormed out of the house, Mrs. Edwards was slamming every door she could as she packed the kid's lunches, and everyone was waiting for Clare. "Clare! Hurry up!" Bridget yelled. "You're going to make me late, you dweeb!"

"Bridget, stop it," Mrs. Edwards commanded, annoyed. "You know that that doesn't do any good."

Bridget whirled on her. "It makes me feel better," she said as she snatched her lunch bag off the table and pranced towards the door.

Helen Edwards sighed once she heard the back door slam. Where had her family gone? She felt a tug on her pant leg and looked down at her shy little boy. "Mommy, do I have to go to school?"

Mrs. Edwards smiled and bent down to hug her son tightly. "Sorry James, yes you do." She pounded on the wall, hoping her daughter would get the message, and couldn't resist yelling, "Clare! Let's go!" even though she knew it would do no good.

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An hour later, Clare Edwards was twisting her purity ring around and around on her finger, and trying very hard not to squirm in her seat. The principal had already let Bridget go to class, but he was still trying to talk Mrs. Edwards out of leaving Clare in his care. "It's not that we don't want her here," he assured them again, not quite able to take his eyes off of her test scores that had been sent over from her last school. "It's just that I'm not sure how well she'd be able to cope. We only have a small group of students that are even fluent in-"

"I believe my daughter will be fine," Mrs. Edwards cut in, standing up abruptly. "She just needs some time to get used to the new school. Now, I need to get to work, and Clare needs to get to class. Unless, of course, I should take my tuition check back…."

"No, no," the principal said, quickly placing his hand unconsciously on the piece of paper that was going to pay for all of the food and drinks for the next dance, and studied the girl in front of him, who was continuously watching his face. She seemed sweet, and even with her…interesting requirements, he was surprised that her parents would pay so much money to keep her out of their hair. What could possibly go wrong?

Famous last words, right?

"Well, Miss Edwards," he said, grabbing her card from his drawer and handing it to her so that she could put it around her neck. "Welcome to Degrassi. You'd best say goodbye to your mother, and then I'll take you to your English class."

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**A/N: Hope you guys liked this one too. Sorry it's so short, but things should start speeding up soon, starting next chapter. Thanks for reading! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you for all your awesome reviews, and I hope this chapter moves along a little faster. We should be getting to the good parts soon! And remember, gentlepeople, this is FANFICTION. Not everything is just like Degrassi!**

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"Miss Dawes is a wonderful teacher," the principal, whose name was Simpson, Clare discovered, said as he walked her down the hall. She was having trouble keeping up with his long stride without banging into kids passing by, so she just stopped paying attention to what he was saying and focused on walking. He seemed to have figured out that she didn't really want to talk, because he didn't say another word as he escorted her to her first classroom of the day. "Here we are," he said as they stopped outside the door. He opened it for her and she hesitantly smiled her thanks before stepping inside and being met with twenty four pairs of eyes.

Miss Dawes looked up and smiled, setting down her coffee cup long enough to ask, "Is this our new student?"

Simpson nodded. "Everyone, this is Clare Edwards. She'll be in several of your classes, so please do all you can to welcome her here."

Clare swallowed and gazed at Miss Dawes for a moment before she smiled shyly and said, "Hello." However, as she went to stare at the floor once again, her eyes locked with a dark-haired boy sitting towards the back.

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The moment Eli heard the door open and he watched her walk in, his heart had given a slight jump. This girl was small compared to Simpson, and she looked so nervous and fragile that she reminded Eli of a china doll that could break at any moment. He stared at her, barely catching her name as he watched her eyes flutter up to meet Miss Dawes's, and when those same eyes had caught his, he felt like something had struck him. Her eyes were like the ocean water of Hawaii, blue and deep, but it was her voice caught his attention. Her voice was rusty, as though she talked very little. She sounded like she had a lisp, or a speech impediment, but Eli could see plainly that her eyes shone with intelligence and deep understanding. She was most definitely not handicapped.

But her eyes held an interesting, captivating amount of sadness in them, and Eli's thoughts immediately shifted back to Julia, and he scowled.

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Why was he glaring at her? What had she done? Did she sound stupid or something to him? Clare's mouth immediately drew into a hard line as a number of well-used insults came back to her mind and she turned her attention back to whatever Miss Dawes was currently saying about taking her seat…oh yes, next to the dark-haired boy. Excellent. Just fantastic.

Simpson was moving toward the door behind her, and there was nothing else that Clare could do, save to actually move towards her seat. She hesitated again, painfully aware that everyone was watching her closely as she moved toward her seat. She considered making a face, but then thought better of it. People seemed to think that she was strange already. No need to solidify their belief. She sat down, ignoring the watchful glance of the dark-haired boy, and wondered what his problem was. However, once Miss Dawes began speaking, she had to struggle simply to keep up, and forgot all about the dark-haired boy.

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He couldn't take his eyes off her, for some reason. Every time he tried to pay attention, Eli found his mind wandering back to the girl sitting next to him. Clare. He wanted to know about her, what was under the shy surface that this girl held up like a shield. He found himself watching the odd way she leaned forward slightly in her seat, the way her eyes stayed glued at all times to Miss Dawes, and the way she unconsciously looked pained whenever Miss Dawes whirled around to face the board. This girl was beautiful, even more beautiful than Ju-

Immediately, Eli jerked back, startled by his train of thought. He couldn't betray Julia like that. And he most certainly didn't deserve to be happy again after what he had done.. _"Get away from her, Eli. Don't you dare try to get to know her."_ He clenched his jaw and turned as far away from her as he could, ignoring Adam's questioning glances. He didn't need questions right now. All he wanted to do was focus on Romeo and Juliet. Romeo killed himself. How appropriate.

"I will be splitting you into groups of three," Miss Dawes was saying as she turned around from writing on the chalkboard. "Some of you gentlepeople will be acting out different variations of Romeo and Juliet, but I want some of you to do your own variation of some other Shakespeare plays like A Midsummer Night's Dream, which we discussed before graduation, and Macbeth. So here are the groups…" She began reading off people's names, but Eli didn't start paying attention again until she called out, "Mr. Goldsworthy, Mr. Torres, and Miss Edwards. Romeo and Juliet."

Oh no.

"I realize that you're new to our school, Miss Edwards, but your file says that you are well-versed in English literature, so you and Mr. Goldsworthy should get along very well," Miss Dawes added kindly. "For the rest of you, be advised that these are the groups that you will be working in during the entire school year, so get to know your partners very well."

Eli could have strangled her. This was _not_ what he wanted. Clare couldn't be his partner! He would have to get close to her then. He would have to spend time working on their project with her. Damn it! Miss Dawes had a horrible sense of who should be paired together. "Miss Dawes?" he asked, giving it one last effort as he politely raised his hand and hoped that somewhere, there was a god that would have mercy on him.

"Yes, Mr. Goldsworthy?"

"Could I not work with the people from my group from last year?"

Miss Dawes regarded him for a moment before shaking her head. "No, Mr. Goldswrothy, you cannot. Miss Edwards is a very good writer, and you would do well to learn from her. You're still a little wordy, and I think you two will be good for each other." She smiled at Clare and then added, "I've read some of your work from your previous school, Miss Edwards, and I have to say that I am very impressed with your structure and advanced vocabulary, but towards the end of the year, you seem to have lost your muse. I believe that Eli can help you with that. I'm assigning you to be each other's editors after your group projects have been completed." She thought for a moment and then clapped her hands together. "We may have a very special partnership on our hands, people. Oh! Like Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes!"

"Sylvia Plath killed herself," said a soft voice next to Eli, and he once again was struck with the strange sound of Clare Edwards's voice.

Eli shook his head and resolved to have as little to do with this girl as possible.

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So far, this school had not been pleasant. Clare sighed as she shoved her English books into her locker and pulled out her math workbook. She was paired with the dark-haired boy, Eli, and someone else that she didn't know, he didn't like her, and everyone now knew that her creative juices were no longer flowing through her synaptic nerve endings. She bit her lip hard enough to make her wince, and held back a groan. This was definitely payback from God, and she hated it. No matter how many times she had returned to church with her family, and had prayed for forgiveness, she still felt like God was ignoring her pleas, and was trying to punish her in every way possible as retribution.

Payback was a bitch.

Someone tapped her on the shoulder, and Clare had to stop herself from jumping. As she turned, she found the other boy from her English group standing there, shifting nervously. "Hey," he said softly. "I'm Adam."

"Clare," she responded. The less she said, the better.

Adam smiled when she didn't brush him off, and said, "I'm glad we're going to be working together. Eli's one of my friends, and I don't know many other people at school that would want to work with me." He shrugged, glancing at her to see if he had said too much.

"Why?" Clare asked without thinking. "What's wrong with you?" Immediately, she regretted her choice of words, and the look on her face must have shown that, because Adam started laughing.

"Don't worry about it," he assured her when she tried to apologize. "There's nothing _wrong_ with me, I guess," he amended. "Depends on who you talk to. I'm an FTM."

Clare knew exactly what he was talking about, and shook her head. "That's not 'something wrong,'" she said easily. Inside, she was pleased. There was someone else who wasn't what the world considered "normal." There was someone like her.

"So it won't be a problem?" Adam asked cautiously.

Clare shook her head and tried out a small smile on the taller boy. "Not at all."

"Great," Adam said. "Well, I'll see you later!" He turned and left, and Clare was surprised that she felt so alone once he disappeared down the hallway. Hmm, had she actually made a friend already?

She made her way to math class and was surprised when an Indian girl began talking to her and giving her pointers throughout class. What was this, Make a Friend with Clare day? But deep down, she knew that she was excited, and she smiled and answered when absolutely necessary. The girl, Alli, didn't seem to mind at all, and Clare found herself watching expectantly, because Alli inevitably wanted to talk each time the teacher turned around to face the board. Math had never been so much fun before.

"See you at lunch, Clare!" Alli called with a wave once math was over. Clare waved back and could not suppress a grin of satisfaction. Perhaps Degrassi wouldn't be too bad after all….

Someone brushed past her in the hallway, and Clare stumbled back, surprised. That boy-Eli, glanced back at her and narrowed his eyes as he kept walking. How rude of him! She continued on her way to her next class, desperately telling herself that the tingling she felt in her shoulder was from anger, and not anything else. She resolved right then to stay away from Eli Goldsworthy as much as she could throughout the year.

That was, until she ran into something….

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Oh God, she smelled so good, and Eli couldn't help but remember the way his whole body had come alive when he had brushed against her. He had been trying to scare her off, to push her as far away from him as he could, but he sincerely hoped that she couldn't feel the tremble that went through him when he actually touched her. It felt like he had brushed up against a live wire, and the feeling scared him to the very core of his being. He turned around to scowl at her, hoping that his grimace might disillusion her into believing that he didn't want to touch her, and then headed on his way. He couldn't help shivering once more as his thoughts turned back to moments before, and this small addiction scared him too.

But he was not as scared of his thoughts as he was when he turned around once more and saw Clare pressed up against a row of lockers.

And Fitz and Owen were towering over her.

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**A/N: I hope that leaves you guys hanging! lol! Have an awesome Halloween! **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you so much for your awesome support! Here's the next chapter!**

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_Sometimes, life just sucks. Maybe it doesn't mean to suck, but it does. School started today, and I have to admit, dear readers, that school sucks too. Why? Because school is a part of life. Perhaps when people say that this is Karma, maybe they're right. I always believed that it was God punishing me, but I'm trying to figure out when He's just going to stop. It feels like it will never end._

_My new school is alright, nothing fancy. My mom paid an enormous amount of money to have the principle design a new "program for one" at school to keep me occupied. She doesn't want me home alone. Now, you might think, "Oh bless her little heart," like my grandma always says, but in reality, that's just an excuse to keep the tension down at home. If I'm not there, everything's better and happier. I'm kept at school until dinnertime, and trust me, I'm already done with auditing the old people's pottery class._

_I just want everyone to leave me alone, so why is it that bullies decide to pick on me? Do I have a sign on the back of my shirt that says "LONER! PICK ON ME!"? I don't think I do. If I do, it's pretty invisible. But anyway, these stupid jerks at school tried to come on to me in the most pathetic way, and when I tried to ignore them, they started pushing me around. Now __**there's**__ the way to a girl's heart. If she doesn't want to shack up in some boiler room, by all means start manhandling her. Different results are expected in a matter of moments._

_If you couldn't tell, those last couple of sentences had sarcasm dripping off of them._

_And you know what's the most annoying? Guys who can't make up their minds. One minute, they're practically begging your English teacher to let them be with anyone else but you, and the next moment, they're telling the bullies off for you like you can't do anything for yourself and you're some damsel in distress. Seriously?_

_When mom told me a while ago that a guy's mind was an unexplainable place to be, I didn't believe her. Now, I do._

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Eli stared at the latest blog from SoundGrl17, unable to move from his position at the screen. No. Frickin. Way. SoundGrl17 was Clare Edwards? There was no other explanation that crossed his mind at the moment. The boiler room, the English partner, the bullies…everything was exactly the way it had happened at school today.

So the girl that he had spent so much of his time writing to was actually the little hottie from school? Wait, no, he shouldn't be thinking about her as a hottie. She was off limits. She was…not his type. He thought she was little and unattractive.

"_One of these days, God's going to hit you with lightening for all these lies you're telling yourself,"_ the sadistic part of his brain hissed at him, knowing full well that Eli thought Clare was cute. Damn.

With slightly trembling fingers, Eli clicked the _Comment_ button and began to type. _Sorry everything has sucked so far. Maybe it'll get better? You're English partner sounds cool though. It was nice of him to try and help you, even though he doesn't seem to like you. Maybe chivalry isn't so dead?_

There. That might teach her to make such assumptions of him. That is, whether she knew it was him or not. No, bad Eli. He shouldn't be giving her ideas about himself, but he couldn't help pressing the button and waiting until the site confirmed that his message had been sent.

Eli stood and stretched, glancing towards the pile of homework that was already due for tomorrow. Wonderful. _"Saved by the bell,"_ he thought when he heard his cell phone go off. Reaching into his pocket, he grinned when he saw that it was Adam. "Hey," he greeted.

"Hey Eli. Dude, I'm really stuck on our math assignment. Could you help me out a bit on problem seventeen?"

Eli smiled into the phone. Adam had never been a real whiz at math. "Sure. Let me grab my book." He tucked the phone under his ear and began to riffle through the papers and binders he had haphazardly plunked down on his desk.

"So how're your classes?" Adam asked. "I only see you for English and math now."

"Well, if you could get yourself out of remedial gym, you might see me for PE as well," Eli teased, knowing that his friend hated remedial gym. "Nah, the rest of school's the usual crap. Sign Language is kinda fun, though."

There was a pause, and then Adam laughed. "I don't get you," he said honestly. "Didn't you take Beginning Sign Language already?"

"Yup." Eli flipped open his notebook.

"Then why are you taking it again? That makes no sense, man."

"Because, the first time I took it, it was just for fun. It didn't count for school credit at my old school because I took it at the community center, and I really only tried to learn so that I could cuss people out without them knowing."

Adam snorted. "Sounds like you."

"Yeah," Eli agreed. "But this time, all I have to do is refresh a bit, whiz through the semester, and move on with the intermediate class next semester. Seriously, Adam, it's like the easiest class ever. We don't even have homework, except to practice the handouts from class!"

Adam laughed. "Whatever, dude. I still like French."

Eli rolled his eyes, even though he knew that Adam couldn't see him over the phone. "That's because you _speak_ French, jackass."

Adam just laughed again. "Hey, I'll keep your secret, you keep mine."

"Deal. The answer's twenty-four."

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_Sorry everything has sucked so far. Maybe it'll get better? You're English partner sounds cool though. It was nice of him to try and help you, even though he doesn't seem to like you. Maybe chivalry isn't so dead?_

Clare pressed her lips together as she read the latest comment on her blog. This person, GothWriter49, was someone with whom she generally agreed. She pressed her thumb to her lips thoughtfully and gazed at the screen. He _might_ be right…. But he didn't know Elijah Goldsworthy. He had no idea just what a strange person Elijah was.

GothWriter49 was, rather loosely, her friend, so perhaps she should take this comment to heart. For the first time since they had begun commenting on each other's posts, she clicked the _Respond_ button. With slightly trembling fingers, she wrote, _Perhaps you're right. I just find it very strange that someone who dislikes me so much would even care about what happens to me in the hallways. However, you might be correct about chivalry. It might not be dead at all, but it seems like any possible friendship with my English partner is, in fact, gone._

Clare sat back in her chair and tapped her foot. She was risking a lot by communicating with him. When she posted on her blog, it was her way of escaping. When he acknowledged that she was there, it made it a little more real. Now that she had responded, it was like they had made a connection, tentative as it was, and the thought scared her. There was someone else in her life, an extra person that she did not need.

Someone else that might find out about her secret.

* * *

Adam strolled towards Clare's locker, grinning when he saw her pulling her books out of her locker and trying to juggle them all on her way to her first class. "Hey. Do you need some help?" he asked cheerily. She, however, didn't respond. For a moment, Adam was struck with fear that she might have changed her mind about his condition, but then he shook his head and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Ah!" she gasped, dropping her books and flinging her hands up in the air. She whirled, pressing herself against her locker, and let out a huge sigh when she saw that it was only Adam. "You scared me!" she protested. "I-I didn't know you were talking to m-me."

Adam frowned and watched as her eyes drifted to his mouth as he said, "No problem. I just wanted to know if you needed some help." When she stared at him, he pointed to her English book, which was now crumpled on the floor. "English?"

Understanding flooded Clare's blue eyes, and she nodded. "Oh, of course! Um, sure. Thank you."

She closed her locker door, and through her bangs, Adam could see her watching him carefully. As they began walking towards class, Adam turned purposefully towards her and asked, "So, I heard from Eli what happened yesterday. Are you alright?"

Clare nodded and hugged her notebook close to her chest before answering, "I'm fine. I would've been just fine without Elijah, too."

Adam smirked. "Clare, Eli was glad that he could help you out. Give him some credit."

Clare shrugged. "I guess you're right." She smiled shyly at him. "I'll try to play nice."

Adam smiled widely at her as he opened the door to English class. "Thank you," he said sincerely. As she passed by, he lifted one hand up to her ear and snapped his fingers lightly.

She didn't even turn around.

* * *

Eli kept watching Clare all throughout English class, and he barely heard a word that Miss Dawes was saying. He kept watching the way that she wrote, the way that she watched Miss Dawes, and the way that would bite her lip. She was driving him crazy already! He clenched his fists and breathed a sigh of relief when the bell finally rang. He grabbed Adam and they made their way out of class quickly, not bothering to peek once more at Clare. "So what did she say?" he asked.

Adam wriggled out of Eli's grasp. "Dude, loosen up a little!" he chastised. "She's really independent, and she doesn't like the way that you're being hot and cold with her. She thinks you should have left her alone."

"What? Why?" Eli asked angrily.

Adam shrugged, and then paused. "Eli, I think she's-"

An outlandish scream erupted from down the hall, and both boys turned quickly towards the eruption. "Clare," they both said at the same time, and took off down the hall.

"I didn't even see her walk by us!" Adam called as they ran.

Eli didn't answer. He was too tense to say anything.

They rounded the corner and skidded to a stop, only to find Fitz and Owen slamming Clare headfirst into a wall of lockers. "Not so hot now, are you, huh?" Fitz cried. "Answer me!" Clare's eyes were squeezed tightly shut, and she was biting her lip so hard that blood was pooling on the top of her skin. Eli vaulted towards Fitz as he slammed Clare's head into the locker again, his hands tangled in her short hair so that she couldn't struggle out of his grasp. "Answer me!" Fitz yelled again.

Eli grabbed Fitz by the collar of his shirt and threw him away from Clare, who gasped as Fitz's hands were torn from her hair. Not caring if a teacher found them, and completely ignoring the onlookers in the hallway, Eli cocked his hand back and brought his fist crashing down on Fitz's face. The boys grappled on the floor, and Adam even added a couple of punches to Owen's physic.

It didn't take long for Eli to beat Fitz down, and when the older boy held up his hands in surrender, blood streaming from his nose and a black eye forming, he spit out, "She's a bitch!"

Adam pushed his hair out of his face and yelled without thinking, "She's deaf, you idiot!"

Everyone watching the fight gasped, and Clare's face paled as her body gave out and she fainted.

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**A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed this. Does this chapter answer some of your questions? Hope so! lol! Please review! :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey guys, here you go! Thanks for waiting!**

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Eli found her hours later, slumped under the stairs. She had her hair falling over her eyes, her knees drawn up to her chest, and a couple of bruises forming on her forehead. She was reading from her English book, and Eli guessed that she was studying for Romeo and Juliet. He debated for a moment before he walked up to her, waiting until she noticed him and looked up before his fingers began to move. _Are you okay? I'm sorry you were hurt_. Those two sentences took only six signs, but he knew that he had captured her undivided attention by the second sign.

Slowly, Clare closed the book she was reading and raised her own hands. _Why are you signing to me?_ Her question only took four signs, but Eli could tell that she was definitely confused, perhaps a bit impressed, and definitely on her guard.

_It's easier for you than talking._

Clare just shrugged noncommittally, but they both knew that Eli was right. He had learned in his first sign language class that trying to read lips is one of the most difficult, and ineffective, ways of communication. Those who are deaf only grasp thirty percent of the sentence, and are forced to fill in the rest according to the context of the conversation. Most deaf people didn't even bother to learn to read lips. Signing was much easier.

_Maybe,_ she signed, _but it's faster than watching you sign._ The barest shadow of a smile tugged at her lips as she watched the wheels turn in Eli's head as he converted the signs into English.

He smirked as well, recognizing her hesitant teasing. _True, but better slow than not at all._

She smiled, obviously pleased to be using her hands to communicate freely once more. Eli asked if he could sit next to her, and she hesitated only a moment before nodding her assent. "You scared us," Eli finally said, making sure that Clare was looking at him.

"Who?" she responded, transitioning easily into speech once more.

"Adam and I. After you fainted, they wouldn't let us touch you. They took you away and we heard you'd been sent home."

Clare snorted, and the odd sound made Eli grin briefly. "Simpson tried, but the truth is, my parents don't want me to come home. They paid this school a lot of money to keep me away from the house for as long as possible." She glanced up at him, well aware that she was speaking more to this boy now than she had to anyone else in a long time. "Apparently, I cause disturbances."

"You?" Eli asked in mock disbelief. "Nah."

Clare grinned, but then her face slid slowly back into a frown. "Why are you being so nice to me all of the sudden? I thought you didn't like me."

Eli gulped. He had guessed that this question might come up, considering his actions from earlier, and those for which he had almost gotten suspended. Thankfully, Simpson was an easy person to weasel. What should he tell her? _Um, well, I sympathize with you and all of the stuff you write in your blog. Oh right, that's you, isn't it?_ Or, _Clare, you intrigue me, and chatting with you will help me ace an assignment without having to go to a deaf chat night._

He opted for the truth. "It's not really 'all of the sudden.' Actually, I'm just giving up fighting to stay away from people that could potentially become very awesome friends." He shrugged. "I like you, Clare." _Too much._

Clare's cheeks tinged slightly pink. "Eh, you're not so bad yourself," she said with a laugh.

They sat together in silence for a while before Eli asked, "Why don't you come over to my house? I'll call Adam and then we can work on our project together."

Clare shook her head. "I can't. Simpson's in charge of me until five when I'm released into the wild for dinner."

Eli grinned. "Just leave that to me, Edwards."

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"Not bad, Goldsworthy," Clare said appreciatively as he led her to the car a half hour later. "How'd you get him to go for that so quickly?"

Eli shrugged and waited until Clare's eyes sought his once more. "I just told him that I could take you off his hands and keep you safe, while working on our project, of course, and your parents would never be the wiser. Considering that I'm your English partner, and Adam will be hanging with us too, it was all too easy for him to say yes."

He helped her into the car and moved to the other side, and then they were gone, leaving the school, and most of their animosity towards each other, far behind them.

It was hard to carry on a conversation with someone who was deaf when you were driving, and so Eli drove in silence, not bothering to say anything to Clare until he reached a red light. Turning towards her, he asked, "Do you like music?" He would have signed it, but he wanted to keep his hands on the wheel.

Clare nodded, but chose to sign, since he was already looking at her. _I love music._

"Awesome." Eli reached forward and turned on his stereo, and the music blasted through his speakers. Clare sat back with a smile on her face, greatly enjoying the loud pulsing of the bass. The last time she had turned her speakers up enough to feel the bass in her chest, an old, crotchety neighbor had come and complained to her mother about noise pollution.

Clare closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the headrest, not noticing the inquiring gaze that Eli shot her as he watched her face relax and become sedated as his screamo music pounded through the car. She was definitely not an ordinary girl, that was for sure, but Eli had to admit that he thought it was pretty cool that she found his music relaxing.

Clare could feel the moment when they arrived. Even over the screamo, she could feel the car stopping and the engine dying. She opened her eyes and grabbed her bookbag as Eli came around and opened the door for her. _Thank you._

_You're welcome._

Eli could practically hear her sigh of relief each time she was able to sign to him instead of speaking. It didn't take a genius to figure out that she was self-conscious of the way she sounded when she spoke. Adam was already sitting on the front step of Eli's porch, and he smiled widely when he saw both of them. "Hey guys!" he said excitedly.

Clare realized that Eli must have called him on their way to the house, and smiled as well. She waved her hello, feeling lethargic about speaking once more. Eli made it so easy to feel normal, to not feel like she was different and awkwardly out of place, and she didn't want to waltz back into the land of the speakers.

"I'm sorry about my big mouth," Adam went on while Eli unlocked the door. "I shouldn't have told everyone that."

Clare shrugged. "Don't worry about it," she told him honestly. "It was bound to come out sooner or later."

They made themselves at home in Eli's living room, since he deftly talked them out of going into his room for some reason. Cans of soda were scattered around the floor and pizza plates were tipping precariously over manuscripts from Romeo and Juliet as the three partners tried to decide how to approach their project.

"I think it's silly that Romeo dies before Juliet has time to say goodbye," Clare muttered, pushing her pizza crust around on her plate.

Eli, who had been watching her through the fringe in his hair, finally caught her eye and said carefully, "You would think that Romeo would have a few minutes before the poison kicked in."

Clare blinked and cleared her throat. "You make a, uh, valid point. He does die pretty hastily."

"Maybe we should fix that."

_How?_

Eli thought for a moment, and then shrugged, unsure how to sign his thoughts. After all, he didn't know everything. "Perhaps Romeo could drink the poison, but Juliet could wake up…"

"And they could have a parting moment to say goodbye," Clare agreed, not able to meet his gaze to see him nod. She knew exactly what that meant for her. She would be having this exchange with Eli, a guy that she had only gotten to know a few hours ago and had learned that he really didn't hate her. Adam wasn't available for this assignment, since he would be manning the camera.

Oh shoot.

She stood and moved into the kitchen, silently beginning to panic as she realized that any feelings she had started to feel for this boy was going to have to go away. She shouldn't, didn't like him. She was only thinking she did because he was the first guy to really pay attention to her. He only liked her as a friend, right? But as she thought back to their conversation, his eyes had looked much darker when he had told her he liked her. What did it all mean?

A shadow behind her confirmed that Eli had followed her into the kitchen, since the shadow was a little too short for Adam, who towered over her. Knowing that he wanted to talk, she stayed facing the window, but couldn't help it when he gently took her by the shoulders and turned her around.

"What's wrong?" he asked, _far_ too close to her to be comfortable, and yet…she was struck with the insane urge to press her lips against his.

Wait, what? No! Bad Clare! You just met this guy and decided that he doesn't hate you! Just because he and his hair are really hot doesn't mean that you can like him, and just because he takes the time to sign to you doesn't mean he likes you back!

_Nothing. Why do you ask?_

Eli raised one eyebrow, surprised at how easily he could tell that she was lying. _You're angry_ he signed. _Why?_

_I'm not angry._

_You're scared?_

Clare's chin came up stubbornly. _I'm not scared._

"Then what is it?" he asked, and then a part of her behavior clicked and he grinned. "You're nervous about the project, aren't you?"

"Why would I be nervous?" she asked, and Eli knew that her inability to hear had nothing to do with the wavering of her voice.

"You're twitching," he told her, watching as the skin on her arms jumped as he moved even closer, ignoring the voice in his mind screaming that this wasn't a good idea.

Her brows came together and Clare suddenly looked upset. "Did you just say I was bitching?" She looked seriously affronted.

Eli smirked and raised one hand, spelling out "twitching" in the ASL alphabet, a common practice called 'fingerspelling.'

"Oh," she said softly.

"But…" Eli teased, "if the shoe fits…"

"Shove it up your ass?" she asked sweetly. Eli shook his head, laughing delightedly while Clare blushed at her language. "What are you doing to me?" she muttered, pressing one hand to her forehead as though she had a fever instead of just a raging blush.

"I'm trying to relieve your nervousness," he whispered, moving even closer and smirked when she realized that she was trapped between him and the counter with nowhere to go. "Is it working?"

Clare gulped. This wasn't supposed to happen so quickly. How could people attain this much sexual tension in only one afternoon? Was she a floozy for hoping that he would kiss her? Why was he moving even closer? Why was he smirking like he knew exactly what was going through her mind? "I-I don't know," she whispered.

"Let's find out."

And then he was pressing his lips to hers, so gently that she barely felt it at first. Her arms came up around his neck after only a moment, her body betraying her before she could even think. She sighed as Eli's fingers tangled through her hair, twisting into her locks and pressing her head into his, his mouth slanting over hers in an effort to find the best angle, though still keeping the kiss soft. Clare's legs trembled, and she gasped when Eli lifted her onto the counter, easily moving between her legs. She'd never been kissed, and this was the most amazing experience she had ever felt. Who knew that kissing could be so much fun? And when he kissed gently down her neck? Oh God.

Abruptly, Clare pulled away, jerking back so quickly that she smacked her head on the cabinet behind her. What was she thinking? She didn't even know this guy!

"I ha-have to go," she stuttered, and ran out the door before Eli could say another word.

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed that. I just have one important thing to say: Just because I don't update doesn't mean that I'm doing it on purpose, or that I'm disinterested. It simply means that I've had too much stuff going on at college to get the chance to breath, much less write. And despite the fact that writing is my life, school is unfortunately a tad bit more important right now. I love that you guys are so excited about my work, but demanding that I update does not make me write faster, it just makes me feel guilty. This isn't to make anyone feel bad, it's simply to explain why I can't always update as quickly as I want. Thanks! I really do love you all! :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey guys, I'm sorry that it's taken a while, but finals are next week and I've been preparing a lot. This chapter didn't turn out quite as planned, either, but I hope you guys like it!**

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She had no idea where she was going, but Clare knew that she needed to keep running. Her face was flaming, and she could almost hear her heart pounding in her ears. She had to get out of here. She had to leave.

Eli Goldsworthy had kissed her.

Eli Goldsworthy had just been her very first kiss.

Dear God, Eli Goldsworthy had used his_ tongue_ on her.

Clare was so embarrassed, she thought she was going to die. What had she just done? She had broken her very first rule: Never get attached. And she should never have gotten attached to a guy she had just met, and who had just stopped trying to hate her less than twelve hours ago. How in the hell had she fallen so fast?

She normally wasn't this much of an idiot.

_No, you're not,_ her subconscious agreed cheerfully as her lungs began to ache from running, _but apparently you get all hot and bothered by a guy who takes the time to use his hands on you._ She couldn't help the very, very small smile that crept to her lips when she realized that her thoughts had transitioned from figuratively to literally. Not only did he sign to her, but he certainly used his hands on other parts of her body.

No, she shouldn't be thinking like that!

But she couldn't help it. Clare bit her lip when she realized that she had been running and had found herself on a main street, but had no idea where she was in relation to her own house. It was getting darker, and nothing looked familiar, and she was momentarily struck with panic before she sighed and pulled out a beat up, out-of-date cell phone that was good for only one purpose: texting.

**Hey you. I'm stuck. Can you maybe pick me up?**

She had only to wait for a moment, which she wisely spent by catching her breath, before another text flew up on her screen. _**Yo babe! As long as U party 4 me…**_

Clare rolled her eyes and resisted the urge to laugh. So like him, too. **You know I can't rock out anymore** she texted back.

_**Come on. I'm sure U remember what UR doin. Gimme directions.**_

Clare's fingers twitched with the urge to…well, perhaps she shouldn't even think about it just yet. She texted the cross streets and then waited until a car pulled up, blaring the speakers so hard that she could feel the vibrations when she placed her hands on the car handle. With another roll of her eyes, she grinned at the man in the driver's seat. "Still the same crappy music, I see," she said over the music.

The man grinned. "Hey, don't disrespect the music," he teased.

They drove in silence for a while until he reached a stop light, and then reached over a touched her knee to get her attention. "Tell me what the problem is," he said.

Clare had to momentarily smile. They had picked up right where they had left off. Or more specifically, where she had just…left.

The light turned green just as he turned the stereo down so that he could hear her, and Clare shrugged. "I don't know, Jay. It's this guy, and he's amazing. He signs to me so that I don't have to talk a lot, and he beat up a guy at school for me. But, he told me that he had just stopped trying to hate me because it wasn't working, and then he kissed me." She peeked out from under her bangs to see Jay grinning like mad, his eyes glued to the road. "What are you smirking about?"

"My little girl's growing up," he teased, turning to speak to her before his eyes shot back to the road.

"Shut up," Clare mumbled, punching his large shoulder lightly. "Just drive."

They drove down the road, completely unaware of the black hearse that was following several cars behind them, its lights turned off.

Clare was actually glad that she was deaf when she entered the slightly dilapidated building that Jay had parked in front of, only finding a spot because he was the owner and possessed his own parking spot. The music was so loud that she could feel the glorious pounding through her rib cage, speeding up her heart rate and making a smile flit across her face.

"Clare!" someone yelled excitedly, and Jay tapped Clare on the shoulder to indicate that someone wanted her.

Clare turned, and immediately, her face broke out into a dazzling smile. "James!" She jumped into the arms of one of her old friends without another thought.

He held her tightly, and then moved back one pace so that he could ask, "What are you doing here?"

Clare laughed and couldn't help her sarcasm as she asked, "Ready to see me go already? Well fine, James, I'll just go right now." She turned mockingly, huffily, but James pulled her back before she could take a step, holding her gently around the waist. "Don't leave," he said softly, and Clare knew immediately that she was the only one in the crowded club that could even hear him. "Please don't leave. Not again."

A stab of pain shot through her heart, twisting and striking so hard that Clare could not breathe for a moment as the guilt washed over her. Everything came rushing back in such a dizzying display of memories , and Clare twisted her head to the side so that she could press her cheek into her friend's shoulder. James said nothing, but held her tightly until she stopped shaking.

With a sniff, Clare pulled away to give James a watery smile. "Enough," she said loudly, having to practically shout over the pounding beat. "Jay brought me here to find our gang."

James blinked, momentarily thrown off balance. He had _not_ been expecting that. Anything but that. "Uh, yeah," then, "Yeah! Of course they're here." He watched her carefully and asked, "You want me to go get them?"

Clare glanced over towards Jay, who had begun to chat and mingle, showing off his dance moves like always. "I'm not so sure how good it'll sound, but I promised Jay, so yeah."

She hadn't even finished nodding before James was kissing her forehead and bounding off into the crowd. She had missed that.

Clare grinned and began making her way through the crowds of people out on the dance floor. Jay saw her moving through the crowd towards the side of the stage and moved away from the leggy brunette he had been dancing with so that he could catch up with her. He lifted Clare over the boards that closed off backstage and then climbed over after her. "We saved it for you," he told her, taking a long black case off the shelf and grinned. "Knock yourself out, Clare Bear."

And then, before Clare could say anything to him, the other two guys of her past were there, hugging her tightly and chatting over each other before James made them slow down and take turns. Clare was momentarily embarrassed, but no one seemed to notice. If it was possible, they just picked up right where they left off.

"Guys," she said softly, but then the lights on the stage were going off spastically, just the way Jay liked them, and she heard the vibration of someone booming on the mic, and she knew it must be Jay.

"Ladies and Gentlemen!" Jay boomed, and Clare had to laugh when she saw him playing disc jockey. "Give it up for the reunion of _Chemical Reactions_!"

Brandon, James, and Charlie led the way out onto the stage, and Clare could feel the boom of the crowd in her chest as they cheered for the band that had been a regular attraction…before the accident. With shaking fingers, she pulled up on the latches on the case and pulled out the instrument within. Could she do this again?

But then the strobes were flashing again, and Clare saw Brandon start up on the drums, and she knew that she had no choice. With semi-confident steps, she strode onto that stage and felt the rush of adrenaline flow through her veins as she saw the writhing dance floor beneath her. Her right hand came down hard, striking the first chord of the song she had played so many times before, but never when she had been unable to hear the music.

Toes tapping to keep the beat.

Sweat rolling down her temples in two-measure increments.

Fingers moving across the strings of her guitar.

Sliding over by the woofers to feel the beat more clearly as James belted out the lyrics she herself had written so long ago. Back when…she was still here.

Lights touching her face like stars shining from heaven. Like one last chance to make it right.

The music seemed to speak to her now much more than it had before. Now that she could not actually hear the music, she resorted to feeling the bass through the woofers, reading James' lips as he sang to the gyrating crowds.

It was so freeing to be back here. Why had she waited so long?

Clare's fingers slid down along the frets, caressing them like long-lost friends as she began to regain the rhythm of the music, bobbing her head to the beat of the bass and the movements of Jay's body as he managed the sound control. She grinned at Brandon and then glanced out at the crowd as her brief guitar solo came up. As her fingers moved over the strings, Clare abstractly thought how awesome it was that she could still remember the one gift that had been hers when she had still had the ability to hear.

After all, it was _her_ that had had all the talent. Never Clare.

It was during the amazing strobe show that Jay was amassing that Clare caught a glimpse of a familiar face before the crowd went dark again. Clare focused on the spot until the next round of lights, and it was then that she saw him leaning against the bar, watching her with an interested, amused look on his face.

Her heart sped up, bouncing around in her ribcage as fast as the strobes.

Eli Goldsworthy.

Oh God, he must have followed her from his house, and now he knew about her hideout, something her own parents didn't even know. Shoot. That meant that she would have to face him, and by the smirk on his face, he knew it too.

They band played three more of their old songs, and the crowd booed when Clare motioned that she needed to call quits. After two years of a "vacation," her fingers and wrists weren't quite what they used to be. "We'll be back," she promised Jay as he hugged her and waved.

She hugged her old bandmates and placed her guitar back in the case before making her way back towards the bar. She was within ten feet of Eli when someone else suddenly blocked her path.

"Well, well, well," the person said. "Haven't seen you in a while, _Darcy_."

Clare stiffened, glancing up into the face of the boy that had ruined her life. If she never saw him again in her life, it would have been too soon, but now that he was gripping her arms in a death grip, with four of his guys subtly flanking them so as not to cause attention, she felt fear lace through her.

This was the man that had killed her sister.

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! And yes, there will be a kiss next chapter. Thanks so much for sticking with me! :D Please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: When I thought Christmas Break would give me time to write...I was delusional! I'm sorry this has taken so long, but I hope this chapter answers most of the questions some of you have about this story. Thank you so much to Kelsey Innocent, who motivated me to make time to write this. Thank you to anyone else still reading for hanging in there with me! I really appreciate it.**

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"What do you want, Trent?" she growled, putting every bit of hate she felt into those words. Her hands curled into fists, but she knew that she could never take on someone like Trent Hamilton. He was too strong, she was too outnumbered, and even if Jay _could_ get to her in time, Trent might pull a knife and someone could get hurt.

Someone else.

Trent grinned down at her, his smile every bit as leering as she remembered. "Now, really, is that any way to treat an old friend, Darcy Baby?"

Clare sneered at him over the music. "Don't call me that," she snapped, raising her voice above the vibrations of the music. If Trent couldn't hear her, all of her spite would go unnoticed and then she might really be in trouble.

"You used to like it," he said, and she could tell by the way his face contorted that he was shouting over the music too. He tried to move closer, and Clare took a step back, only to be stopped by one of Trent's buddies pushing her forward again.

"Well, I don't anymore," she hissed, feeling momentary panic bubble up within her. "I've moved on, Trent, and you need to as well."

Trent grinned for a minute, and then his hand shot out and closed around Clare's arm, squeezing painfully to the point where tears pricked at her eyelids unbidden. "You'd better watch it," he growled, "or you might find yourself losing more than your hearing this time."

Out of the corner of her eye, Clare noticed Eli for the first time since she had started towards him. He was quickly getting angry and was beginning to make his way over to them. She couldn't let him get hurt! With a quick movement, her eyes met his and she gave an infinitesimal shake of her head. She saw the confusion on his face, but he wisely stayed where he was and watched the exchange with darkening eyes.

"Just remember," Trent continued, "who works for whom. You wouldn't want anyone else to get hurt, would you?"

Clare's stomach roiled, and she seriously considered allowing the bile that was rising in her throat its freedom all over Trent's shirt. How dare his insinuate…! But unfortunately, she got the message and fixed her angry eyes on his long enough to nod curtly. He let go of her arm, which was now throbbing, and took a step away from her.

"Excellent. See ya 'round, Darcy Baby."

With that, he and his group were gone and Clare was left quivering where she stood. Now that they were gone, she couldn't find the courage that had just been there a moment ago, and all of that adrenaline was now channeling itself into shivers that wracked her frame. A gentle hand touched her shoulder and Clare jumped back, her other hand coming up in a defensive fist, only to be met with Eli Goldsworthy staring down at her. "Wanna tell me what the hell that was about?" he asked, and she could tell that he was angry, but she had a feeling that it wasn't all directed at her.

"Not really," she said, and tried to move away, all good intentions of apologizing to him for her hasty exit earlier abandoned.

He grabbed her wrist, but Clare noted that he left her plenty of room to pull out of his loose enclosure, and waited until she turned around so that he could say, "Too bad. We're going to talk about it. Either here or on the road. You're choice."

"Who said I was going home?" Clare snapped, angry that he had anticipated exactly what she was planning to do.

"I did."

She glared for a moment, but bit out, "Let's go." She wound her way through the gyrating crowd to say her goodbyes to Jay and her bandmates, promising that she wouldn't disappear again like last time, and then stomped by Eli on her way out the door.

When a day goes wrong, the whole thing just blows up in your face.

Eli settled her in the passenger seat and glanced around the parking lot, obviously looking for reoccurring threats, and then started the car. He drove for almost ten minutes before he found the most opportune spot to talk: a secluded park lit only by a few streetlights. He cut the engine and settled back into his seat for a moment, and Clare thought that he was going to make her talk, but instead, he sighed and stepped out of the car. Clare watched as he strode to the front of the vehicle before he turned, gave her one long look, and sat down on the hood, facing away from her.

He stayed that way for the entire two minutes and twenty-seven seconds it took for Clare's curiosity to get the better of her. She pushed her own door open and stepped out, putting one foot in front of the other as she made her way towards him, her fingers trailing awkwardly over the smooth glass of Morty's headlight. Once Eli finally managed to drag his gaze away from the backdrop of dark trees and vacant park toys in the distance, she held her hands out, palms up, and moved them from side to side. _What?_

_I don't know. Why don't you talk?_ Eli signed back.

"Maybe I don't want to," Clare snapped angrily.

"Then you've wasted both our times," Eli responded, and Clare could tell by the way his face twisted that he had responded with just as much malice as she had.

They stared at each other, neither one moving from their spot.

Ashamed, Clare ducked her head. _I'm sorry,_ she signed. _You're just trying to help._

Eli just shrugged, but Clare could tell by his face that her reluctance to talk to him hurt more than he was willing to let on.

"You have to understand," she said softly, "I just met you, I thought you hated me, and then you kissed me and showed up at the one place that I never told anyone else about." She tried to smile as she teased, "You're a difficult man to understand, Eli Goldsworthy."

That invoked a reaction out of him. Eli fixed her with a very calm stare and replied, "I know I was hard on you in the beginning, but you've already forgiven me, right?" Clare nodded. "And I never hated you. I was just scared that I would like you to much and then you would run away." This again, Clare knew was true. "When I kissed you…" here he trailed off with a lazy smile, causing Clare to blush deeply as she remembered the kiss, "I knew even then that it was a little rushed and would probably freak you out, but before I could think, I was already doing it."

Clare shrugged, "You're right," she told him, but then hurried to explain, "It did freak me out, but I-I also-" she mumbled something under her breath and blushed to the roots of her hair.

Eli raised an eyebrow and leaned forward a little. "What?" he asked. _Again?_

For a moment, Clare couldn't take her eyes off of those long fingers, remembering the way that they had caressed her face and her hips and her….

"Clare?" Only when Eli moved those fingers in a little wave under her nose did she realize that she was supposed to be saying something. Wait, what was- oh right. _That._ "It's nothing," she said quickly.

"Then you won't mind telling me, right?" Great. He was smirking. Did he not realize that his smirk was like a thousand panty-dropping smiles all compressed together until they threated to combust? Did he not understand that, already, she was powerless to that smirk?

Damn right, he did.

"Fine," she grumbled, turning away from him so that she couldn't hear his peal of laughter and focusing on her reflection in Morty's dark windshield. "I said I liked it."

She snuck a peek at Eli's figure in the glass and couldn't see any sort of movement that hinted at laughter. Instead, he seemed to be moving closer….

His arms spun her around and Eli's body trapped her against the hood of the car. Any other boy, and she would have been frightened, struggling for a way out, but with Eli, all Clare felt was excitement, and the delicious way that the metal was digging into her bottom. She chanced a glance up at his face, only to find him smiling down at her. "I liked it too," he said softly, and the lowered his lips to hers.

He paused right before they connected, watching Clare closely and giving her time to back out, but as she watched his eyes darken against the soft glow of the streetlights, Clare knew that in that moment, there was nothing she wanted more than to feel his lips on hers. And so, using all of the strength she had left, Clare tilted her head up and brought her lips flush with his.

Eli took it from there. The kiss began slowly, just the slightest pressing of lips against lips, but soon Eli was pressing just a little harder, and Clare's lips were parting to allow his tongue to sweep over hers. She sighed, her entire body clenching delightfully as his tongue swept over hers again and again. Eli's hands ran up her ribs, carefully tracing his way up each bone until he reached the underside of her breasts.

Clare twisted to the side, gasping for air, and Eli pressed his lips to her pulse point, alternating between sucking and nipping. At the first sharp bite, Clare's eyes flew open and she gasped, her hands flying up to catch hold of Eli's biceps as she arched into his body into his. She felt his smile against her neck right before his tongue laved over the spot, which would surely start to bruise.

"E-Eli," Clare moaned.

"Hmm?" she felt his hum against her throat.

"As much fun as this is," she whispered, "we came to t-talk."

Eli groaned and pressed his forehead against Clare's, trying to slow his breathing down. "Do you always do this to guys who kiss you?" he teased breathlessly.

Clare blushed deeply, but smiled a small smile and shook her head. "Only to the ones I really care for."

There were so many things he could have said, so many that came to mind, and a few "That's what she said's" that could be fun as well, but even as he opened his mouth, Eli realized just how important her statement was. With difficulty, he pried himself away from her and settled down on the hood next to her, trying to subtly shift the bulge in his jeans. "Alright. I'm all ears."

Clare bit down on her slightly swollen lips, and then signed, _Where do I start?_

Eli wisely stayed silent, realizing that she was signing more as a way of giving herself something to do than actually asking his opinion.

"My sister, Darcy, and I were identical twins," she finally said. "We were born seven minutes apart, and Darcy was the oldest." A shadow passed over Clare's face as her thoughts turned towards her sister. "She was better at everything, and we were inseparable until junior high when she met Trent Hamilton." Clare cast a glance at Eli and added, "He was the one with me tonight. If Jay would have seen him, he wouldn't have gotten into the club."

"Lovely guy," Eli murmured.

"Oh, it gets better," Clare promised. "Trent's part of a gang from the city across town where we used to live. Darcy was always the more outgoing, the more flirty, the more _everything_. When an older bad boy like Trent, who has all of his daddy's money behind him, took an interest in her, she became unbearable. She started drinking and partying, staying out at all hours, and I know she was involved in some of the gang's crimes. Our parents lost control of her, and I took up the guitar as a way of escape."

"And you became a rebel like your sister?" Eli asked.

Clare shook her head. "Not exactly. At least, I don't look at it that way. See, I was the scholar, the bookworm girl. I met Jay's younger brother when I tutored him in English. He found out that I was a pretty quick learner and had gotten pretty good at the guitar in the last year and a half, so he introduced me to Jay. Jay hooked me up with the bandmates you saw tonight, and I began to play on the weekends. The crowds helped my confidence, gave me my own little edge, and I started standing up to Darcy."

"And let me guess, she fought you?"

Clare nodded. "It was like we weren't even sisters anymore. She made fun of me, let Trent and his friends push me around, and tried to get me in trouble with our parents. It got completely out of hand when Darcy found out about Jay's club and blackmailed me into covering for her one night. She went off with Trent and hit the grocery store down the street." She closed her eyes for a moment, eyebrows furrowed. "Two people died that night from gunshot wounds."

He had never been one for touchy-feely advances, but Eli heard what she couldn't: her voice was starting to break. He reached out and gently touched Clare's hand, entwining their fingers together.

"I knew that I had to stop her before someone else died, so I waited until Darcy was out, took some of her clothes and did my makeup. I confronted the gang in an alley, acting like Darcy, and told Trent that I wanted out, that I couldn't handle disappointing my family anymore." Clare unconsciously squeezed Eli's hand. "I just didn't realize that Darcy was heading home from the choir practices mom still made her attend…"

Eli tilted his head back in frustration. "And she looked like you, right?"

Clare nodded. "Darcy looked exactly like me, and she flew off the handle. However, Trent thought that she was me, snooping around again and trying to bust my sister, so he pulled a gun and shot her." Clare's fingers idly traced over a small scar behind her left ear, barely visible to anyone not looking for it. "I tried to fight Trent, but he and the rest of his gang knocked me around until I was barely conscious. At some point, Trent boxed my ears so hard that my eardrums ruptured and the doctors told me that I was pistol-whipped at some point. He thought Darcy had betrayed him for Clare."

It was Eli's turn to squeeze Clare's hand.

"By the time I woke up, I couldn't hear a thing. Darcy was dead, and my family was broken apart. Trent can do no wrong in his parents' eyes, so they bought the police department's compliance and confidentiality. It was written off as an accident. My parents moved the rest of us to this town and I began a few years of speech and lip reading therapy." Clare made a face. "Worst three years of my life."

Eli couldn't help but smile at that. "And then you came to Degrassi."

"My parents thought that I was good enough to fit back into a normal education, and they were tired of having me stay home all day by myself. Mom wanted to send me away, but my dad fought her and wanted to keep me here, so they paid Mr. Simpson to create a whole 'program' for me to keep occupied and out of their way. But, I told you that already."

Eli nodded, remembering one of their first conversations.

For a moment, they were both silent, and then Clare actually smiled. "And then I met this _guy_. He's moody and wears all black, but I don't know…he's kinda cute." She smirked at Eli and felt a thrill when he smirked back.

He disentangled their fingers, putting his arm around her shoulders instead and drawing her towards him. "Say what you want," he teased back, "but you know you want me."

Her silent blush affirmed that all too easily.

"Honestly," Eli added, "I'm sorry about your family. It hurts like hell to lose someone that close to you, but you lost your whole family." He shrugged. "It doesn't make it hurt any less, but I can say that whatever happened to bring you to me, I-I'm glad you're here." He glanced cautiously down at Clare. "Does that make sense?"

Clare nodded. "Yeah."

They stayed like that for a few moments before Eli touched her shoulder and signed, _I should get you home._

Clare raised an eyebrow and asked softly, "Aren't you going to tell me your story?"

Thoughts of Julia skittered across Eli's mind, but he pushed them away, shaking his head. "I think we've had enough sharing for one night."

Clare silently agreed and allowed him to get her settled back into Morty. She gave Eli directions to her house and felt reluctant to leave him once he pulled up to the curb. "Believe it or not, I had fun today," she told him, smiling softly. "At least some parts of it were fun."

Eli smirked back at her and pushed some stray strands of hair behind her ear, running his fingertips across her scar. "Make sure you take care of those bruises," he told her. "Between Fitz, Owen, and Trent, you're going to have a few of them."

"Will you kiss them and make them better?" Clare asked boldly, and then blushed at her boldness.

Eli grinned. "Every single one of them," he promised, and began to lean towards her. Clare mirrored him, her eyes starting to close just as he drew near. At the last moment, Eli caught her chin between his thumb and first finger, and added, "Tomorrow."

He chuckled at Clare's disappointed look, but only gave her the lightest brushes of his lips to tide her over. When she stepped out of Morty, he thought of one last question, something that he hadn't thought of before. "Clare? What does Trent want? And what did he mean by 'who works for whom.'?"

She closed her eyes, wishing that Eli hadn't been smart enough to recall that part of the conversation. "He wants Darcy back," she told him. "Darcy was quite helpful in some of their gang crimes." She pressed her lips together and fixed Eli with a haunting, hopeless stare.

"And I can't do a thing about it, because my dad works for Trent's dad."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, there you go! I hope you enjoyed it (especially the kiss!), and everything I've written can, and has happened in the past, so it's authentic. ;) FYI**


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